dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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