he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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