i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
