new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
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