I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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