I have demons in me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
