My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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