Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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