So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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