I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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