i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
