Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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