tell your sister to shave her snatch
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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