Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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