i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
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Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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