he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
