I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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