Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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