If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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