uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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