u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
North Korea, Best Korea!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
