he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
