The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
