I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
