Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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