i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
