Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
