Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
They should really pass out barf bags in church
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
