see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We just shotgunned beers for America
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
