i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
