So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
