your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
