I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
