just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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