I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize