This girl is more easily done than said...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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