Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
