In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
