I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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