im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
