Someone shit on the floor
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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