Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He passed out mid-signature
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
