I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
