ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
