Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
