and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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