I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
