like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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