you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
