I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
