Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
