I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
