your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
