the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
