Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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