And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
