he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize