walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hello my rib-scented angel!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
