He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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