I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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