So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
