Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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