This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
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it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
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I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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