HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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