That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize