All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
