She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
