I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
