A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
