I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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