i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
